Hyperspace of happiness



Inside my mind, there resides a world

That is still not ravaged by time’s menacing tentacles

A world that is my happy abode

One that is not yet shattered by destiny’s grinding wheels

In that world, I am not forlorn and melancholic

Solitude doesn’t kill me

Anxiety doesn’t gnaw at my sanity every minute

Where I return from work to a happy home and not a cold house that seems like a prison

In that world, Dad’s dementia has still not taken the better of him

He doesn’t keep forgetting my name like he does now

In that world, we are still a happy family of four

Granny still oils my hair on a winter morning

while I bicker with her about ma not letting me go out with friends

Dad returns from work with kachoris

And after a hearty meal, we sit for a game of ludo.

I often see that world in my dreams

Ma combing her knee-length hair humming Tagore’s ‘Sesh Basanta’

And then suddenly when my dream ends

I shake up from my ictus

I am thrown headlong

into the sea of paranoia

where I am alone once again

Ma has lost all her beautiful hair to an autoimmune disease

She doesn’t smile anymore she only wriggles in pain and anger all-day

It has been seven summers since granny left us

Dad sits dejected

on the old wooden chair

counting the autumn leaves

My happy universe

vanishes in a minute

like a mirage in the desert.