Hyperspace of happiness
Inside my mind, there resides a world
That is still not ravaged by time’s menacing tentacles
A world that is my happy abode
One that is not yet shattered by destiny’s grinding wheels
In that world, I am not forlorn and melancholic
Solitude doesn’t kill me
Anxiety doesn’t gnaw at my sanity every minute
Where I return from work to a happy home and not a cold house that seems like a prison
In that world, Dad’s dementia has still not taken the better of him
He doesn’t keep forgetting my name like he does now
In that world, we are still a happy family of four
Granny still oils my hair on a winter morning
while I bicker with her about ma not letting me go out with friends
Dad returns from work with kachoris
And after a hearty meal, we sit for a game of ludo.
I often see that world in my dreams
Ma combing her knee-length hair humming Tagore’s ‘Sesh Basanta’
And then suddenly when my dream ends
I shake up from my ictus
I am thrown headlong
into the sea of paranoia
where I am alone once again
Ma has lost all her beautiful hair to an autoimmune disease
She doesn’t smile anymore she only wriggles in pain and anger all-day
It has been seven summers since granny left us
Dad sits dejected
on the old wooden chair
counting the autumn leaves
My happy universe
vanishes in a minute
like a mirage in the desert.